Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
