The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
