I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
