she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
