Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
