What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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