You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
