absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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