Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
