adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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