I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
