You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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