forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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