2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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