Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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