Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
