If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
