I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
