Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My ass is underappreciated
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
