I CAN MOONWALK!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
