Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
