So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
