You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
