Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
