i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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