so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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