Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
