my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
