the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
