They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
