On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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