Apparently you make a good broom.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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