think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
