Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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