I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
sarcasm needs its own font
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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