Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
