i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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