all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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