Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sorry about my life...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
