It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
