Screwed.edu
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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