We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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