I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
