I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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