I wish I could teleport
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
