I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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