All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I had to cum in my sink.
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