I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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