Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
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Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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