"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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