I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
