Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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