She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
