"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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