I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
