if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
