you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
