I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Four minutes until I can fart!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
