Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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