i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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