im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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