oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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