Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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