I accidentally burped into my bong.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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