paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
