Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
