There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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