Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
