you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
nutella sex= disaster
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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