Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
