just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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