So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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