wake up i wanna do it froggy style
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
