Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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