just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
