As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
