i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I fill condoms, not promises.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
