so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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